I have exactly 8 days and two hours before I touch down in Dublin airport. I've gone through terminal maps for JFK and O'Hare airports to make sure I know where I'm going when I connect to/from my Aer Lingus flights...I've packed and repacked my little carry-on with my "if it doesn't fit in the bag it doesn't go" necessities...I've even weighed the damned thing to be sure what I'm taking will fall under the weight-restrictions for carry-ons. Today I fax the Arlington Temple Bar (since apparently they don't respond to emails) to confirm my reservation. I have my itinerary, my pass vouchers, my concert ticket...I have my Euros and I have my passport. I have everything. I'm ready to go.
What I don't have (yet) is butterflies in my stomach. I find it odd that – after 25 years of planning and wishing and talking and dreaming – my emotions and anticipation are almost muted today.
Is it because I'm actually a wee bit nervous about doing this alone and don't want to focus on those negative feelings? A shocking amount of folks I've spoken to have expressed surprise that I would go alone. That I'm "ballsy" "bold" and "beautiful" (Ha ha...I threw that last one in there...).
I guess it is a bit daunting to take your first international trip somewhere alone, but it's not exactly as if I'm doing it to Siberia for gawd's sake. I'm going somewhere friendly, English-speaking (not that that's a prerequisite...please don't saddle me with Ugly American Disease), cultural and moderne....not so much of a leap for my first trip. It's actually a pretty safe and sane choice to go to Dublin. I think a lot of folk still misunderstand the difference between "Free Ireland" and "Northern Ireland" (sorry, my little bit of political commentary in that naming protocol). So to the people who think I'm cuckoo for going alone...I say, "pfft-ish." I could make it a big deal if I wanted, and worry and fuss, but why? It's FUN!! EXCITING!! AN ADVENTURE!! Focus on that. Not on the "scary parts." I could just as easily be going to Boston or New York alone, right? Would anyone think I'm all those b-words if that was the case? Besides, I like the idea of my first trip abroad as unfettered by people with their OWN agendas. I like being a free-spirit, I like doing things that I want to do, when I want to do them. Don't like to be tied down... Well, figuratively speaking of course... ;) Ok, ok, I'm just kidding. Really... (why do I ALWAYS go to the gutter??)
Actuall, this lack of "oomph" so close to my departure is, I think, because I am trying to NOT focus on the fact that I will be spending almost 20 hours doing the airport/flying thing. THAT's what makes me deflate a bit. Have to be at LAX at 8:30 a.m.on the 18th...flight takes off at 11:30ish a.m...arrives JFK 8:00ish p.m., switching to Aer Lingus and leaving the states around 10 p.m. Arriving Dublin "the next day" at 9:45 a.m. *gack*
*Focusing on THE ADVENTURE!!!!* :)
Maybe it's simply because I've dreamed of this for so long that I won't believe it'll be happening til it happens. Maybe even then I won't believe it. I don't know. These are just random thoughts in my mind right now. Pretty tired. Have only had 1 mug of coffee. Don't ask me to be profound or scholarly or philosophical this early. BTW, speaking of philosophical, let me just take this moment to say I think Jean-Paul Sartre, in all his glory, was way too puffy in his writing. Just get it out man! I am not impressed with your verbosity. There. That's been on my mind a long time since beginning Existentialism and Human Emotion. *sigh* Don't even ask me why I brought it up here. Consider this blog free-thought and basically nothing more than a quick insight into how my brain works early on a Monday morning.
So. 8 days. Will you check back here throughout that week to see what I've written about my bold, ballsy travels? I promise not to be too verbose. Stupid Sartre. *grumble....where's my coffee?*