Don't you hate waking up like that? Usually when people wake up like that, a little hair of the dog takes the edge off the feeling of complete and utter remorse. And usually when people wake up like that, mercifully they can't remember much unless they have really good friends who gleefully reminded them where they left their pants and how they got glitter in their hair and an extra tattoo. On their ass. Not that that has ever happened to me. Not that I remember anyway.
But the humiliated remorse i felt this morning has nothing to do with a hangover. Unless you want to call it an emotional hangover. No. No, this all has to do with my stupid self-will and That whole "to thine own self be true" crap I posted only just yesterday. Believe me, I find everything in that post to be completely applicable to myself, but it's just sadly ironic that I posted it yesterday and then went on to "to thine own self be true" right into a big ol' rabbit hole of embarrassment.
So I spend the day today holding my aching head and wishing that when I woke up this morning with the immediate wish that yesterday had just been a bad dream it really was. But it wasn't, so here i am, making no sense to anyone. Gah.
I can't really get into what happened. Let's just keep it at I got brutally open YET AGAIN with someone when I should have kept my big fat gob shut. I don't know how to be coy or demure or play games. I just know how to be open and honest and.....ohhhhhhhhhhwahwahwahwhatdidIdo?
So when you're left with the sad realization that you're a dork and what's done is done, the only thing to do is accept the consequences and move on. I don't know what the consequences are, but I am positive I can make up some really, really good ones in my head.
I wish I could hide in my rabbit hole but I can't. Can't wish away yesterday. I can laugh at myself, thank God, and rat myself out on the Internet and just accept I am who I am and I sometimes do some pretty silly things when I lead with my heart instead of my head.
Does anyone have excedrin and some humble- pie??