Friday, September 9, 2011

What the Hell I'm Bored! Sept 9, 2011 Post #2

Wanted to also expound on my post from last week, "True What?". I started the day in tears and heartache and ended the day in peace and altered perspective.

I did what I have been taught to do when feeling such pain: got on my knees and prayed to God for mercy and to remove the pain and let me know what his will for me would be for the day. I posted honestly on Facebook (without details) that I was hurting...I opened up to let my friends know the situation and I was overwhelmed with instant feedback full of love and support. I spoke directly to some close friends. I journaled privately and very publicly here in my blog. I wrote a letter to myself from God. It is amazing how self-healing that small act can be. Things I wish I could believe for myself came thru as loving truth when ostensibly written by God.

And I spoke to a very wonderful spiritual mentor, my best friend...she told me, "Kris, instead of thinking of the negative aspects of this hurt, realize that you took your power back in these relationships. These two men acted selfishly and hurt you. You didn't stand for it. You told them both you never want to see or talk to them again! That's YOUR power! And God swept them clear of your heart to make room for someone better. Before today you still had hope for these two relationships. Today you chose for YOURSELF to finally end them on your terms. Good job!"

Or, something to that effect... :)

The point is all those things I did were healthy, mature ways of dealing with grief. And worry. Because I realized also that last week I had a lot on my plate. I was walking through a lot of fear and worry about my back surgery. The emotions I felt in reaction to these two men (when all is said and hurt is put aside...they are both very GOOD men...just not meant to be in my life. And maybe they didn't act with the best judgment. Or grace. They are human after all and ego can make any good person do or say not-good things).

Anyway, my friend's loving support and kind words did wonders for me. I used to believe I was hard-wired to be and think a certain way. It is a blessing today to be teachable and willing which enables a shift in my perspective to occur much much faster than before.

So, yet again, thank you God, friends, family. You are the rocks to which I cling most heartily.

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