Friday, June 28, 2013

Empowerment Toolbox

I may not have stated a trillion times in this blog how music has the power to get inside of me and rearrange feelings, pushing the unneeded ones back into the dark and pulling the uplifting and empowering ones to the front for me when I choose to listen.

But I've thought it almost that much. And I think I've mentioned it in posts more than only a couple times.

I'm currently using music to quell the negative spoken-word tapes playing in my brain so that I can get back to my place of peace and happiness. I'm doing what is necessary to sweep ashes out the door. My heart is like the Terminator. I keep rising up from the fire of romance, walk out, and just slog forward. At a slightly forward, very determined angle.

"I'll be back."

Some of the songs are familiar go-tos, some are new kick-ass discoveries that help me tap into the feeling and vibration of freedom.

When I talked to some girlfriends this week about feeling FREE after going through a breakup, I realized that when the right guy is in my life I will feel free WITH him, not without him.  The ones in my life in the past few years have just...haven't been right and I haven't felt right with them, and of course my first action is to look into myself (see my "Circle of Love" post...from a scant few days ago...nay, perchance only one week. That, my dears, is what we call "irony". Unless you're in the Law of Attraction camp, then it's "manifestation") and see what my part is in the problem. Sometimes what I have done is...nothing at all. It's just time to end. And then I get to try to find the lesson in that relationship and learn from it.

Dear Schoolmaster: When do I get to graduate. I've had enough lessons to get a PhD. in this crap. I want my degree NOW! I've LEARNED I've LEARNED I've LEARNED. Stomps feet, pouts.

Shaking head.


Something else that's different: I have stepped up to volunteer for some events I previously didn't even ever give a first thought about. And I have an appointment to talk to someone at a local hospital I used to volunteer at as a candystriper in high school to see if I can join their adult volunteer program. Apparently I've learned to prefer being busy to laying on my couch crying for months on end. 


I've been praying, and of course, writing also helps me sort things out. Writing, talking to friends, letting them know where I'm at, asking them how they are feeling, allowing them to view the roller-coaster post-breakup ride of depression, anger, denial, bargaining, depression/anger, hope, anger, tears, anger, anger, sadness, anger, tears, aaaaand hope. Not necessarily in that order. Being transparent enough and vulnerable enough to allow friends to hold me up and move me forward until I can be that Terminator on my own...that's a gift of grace that I am grateful for.

Oh. And chocolate. Not in droves. Just mini-bites. I. Love. Chocolate. It's my best friend sometimes.

Then, there's always the gym. Right? There's nothing better than feeling empowered by music and GRRRRRing with pumped up muscles and racing endorphins after a good workout. (Especially after eating MINIBITES of chocolate.)

Healing is healing but for me it needs to be fully balanced. If I'm healing emotionally I can't hide out staying busy and ignore feelings. Gotta ride out the heartache (which happens faster these days, I've noticed) by doing all the things I've talked about. All healing must be multi-level: physical, emotional, spiritual.

And I think it's time to laugh so hard I cry. Gotta find some funny flicks or pictures. (I'm telling you...I usually laugh that hard looking at the stupid animal pictures on Pinterest. Going to Pinland....NOW...)

Thank you, world, strange and unknown reader, friend...anyone who reads this message in a bottle...I'm putting it out there for the world to see. Happy is here, it's just being hugged by sadness for the moment.

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